bits 'n' bobs at 36

People, I gather you together in bloggerland to celebrate another fabulous year in the life of the riverman~~~. Much has occured and much has recurred and sometimes not everything has concurred. Alas c'est la vie...

Let's review some of the very best of last year...

In the category of Dangerous Infusion:

Yes the infamous Binny-PIMMS: A motley-molotoval concoction served up in large jugs under sunny skies in July, capable of knocking out large Australian men by the dozen.

1 big jug (a Bodum is usually best!), Pimms No.1 Cocktail, Glasses: Highball, Garnish: Mixed fresh fruit (E.g. Cucumber, Lemon, Lime, Strawberries, Blackberries, Blueberries, Raspberries & Mint) , 25ml Gin, 50ml Pimms No.1, Lemonade, Soda water, Ice

Method: Cut up strawberries (unless they are the tiny sweet ones). Cut up cucumber (shave off the skin first). Dump all fruits (cut and whole) into a large Bodum glass jug. Pour in Gin and leave for 5 minutes so the fruits get saturated. Add in some ice. Pour in a double amount of Soda and a single amount of Lemonade. Tear and stir in mint leaves. Top with ice and serve in highball glasses.

In the category of Most Beautiful Discovery:
Flawless light in a darkening air Alone...and shining there Love will not elude you Love is simpleI worship this tenacity And the beautiful struggle we're in Love will not elude us Love is simple Be sure to know that All in love is ours And love, as a philosophy Is simple I am calm in oblivion Calm, as I ever have been Love will not elude me Love is simple Be sure to know that All in love Is ours...Is ours...That all in love Is ours And love, as philosophy Is simple...And ours...

In the category of Evil Bitch

Yep, you guessed it - English Weather! We can safely say that global warming has turned English weather into a foul, deranged and ill-mannered harpy! And just to prove she can change her mind on a whim... guess what Reader!?

Just three weeks ago, it snowed... AGAIN! Yes - right smack in the middle of April...

... and then that little vixen splashed sun all over our skies this week!

In the category of Self-gratifying-Prima-Donna-Moment:
Thank you Melf, Gary and Adam for a wonderful time! Here's to many more wonderful moments in the next year! I promise not to begrudge you your Prima-Donna-Moments too!!

In the Category of Remarkable Jigsaw Puzzle
Go on then! Let's see YOU put the pieces together!

In the category of Helluvvah-Gawd-awful-time-of-the-Day:

You can probably guess this one Reader.

Yes... simply everytime I sit at this desk facing this monitor... It sort of makes me feel a little like Kitty below...

Next: The Errol Flynn Award goes to.... (drum-roll-trumpet-blare-etc) Terence for that remarkable swish-slash stroke that reduced my potato-chip to mush at that cafe in Valencia... Just look at his double cutlass precision here!
Finally here is the category of Long-Lost-and-Missing-Person :

No ladies and gents, it isn't the elusive Madeleine McCann! So breathe easy. We won't ask you for donations so you don't have to hide away your wallets.

Remember this little guy?
Yes Reader... I report with much distress that the riverman~~~ is missing! I have been trying to track him down over the last couple of days, and I can't seem to locate him anywhere. Remember how he set out on his little oddysey over the billowy desert sands of my bed so long ago?
Well, he hasn't come home yet... and I am getting a little worried. I chanced upon Elleyfaant a couple of days ago and asked him about the riverman~~~.

Elleyfaant simply stared at me and shook his head.

He told me that he was not an elleyfaant. He had discovered that he was a "Twor-tease", and was on a search for his missing shell.

Elleyfaant or Twor-tease... he's not very helpful!




So Reader, the hunt is on for the riverman~~~. Do drop me a line if you see him anywhere, and if you do get a chance to talk to him - tell him he is missed!

In the meantime, play me my birthday song (in the YouTube window above), won't you Reader?!
~~~

When you meet an elleyfaant...

Yesterday, Maria my secretary remarked in an off-handish way that I had been working at my firm for a month, and asked me how I was settling into the work-a-day-grind-n'-shtick.

Then it hit me hard like that Nomura bible that crashed on my head from the third shelf of the bookcase in my room on Monday, that "Old Time was still a-flying..." and had pretty much flown winter into spring. I wondered then if I had gathered my rosebuds, and if so where were they??

Then, last night I looked back at all my blog entries so far, and it hit me hard like that glass door I ran smack into on Tuesday, that somewhere along the way I had forgotten to take my little riverman out of my bag. He had been in there a good month and a half, wedged between The Lord of the Rings and my travel iron. It is a blessing that his little clay feelings are so malleable! A lesser friend would not be so forgiving.

When I first took him out, I discovered that he had contorted into a very rude and phallic admonishment. You could hardly blame the poor thing! Alas, because this is a respectable blog, I am not at liberty to publish his little demonstration visually. Suffice to say it was straight to the point!

Anyhow, five minutes later he began to look a little more like himself, and started to examine his surroundings, which were I suppose, quite intriguing from his perspective! Curiosity would not be constrained, and so I relented and let him do a little “Lawrence of Arabia” on my bed.

As I watched him tramp around the folds of cloth and stumble over the crumple, crimp and crease, it hit me hard like the ... (okay, you get the idea!) that this was a remarkable opportunity - a wicked prospect - a cracking shot at gathering my rosebuds while I may.

My little purple friend would be just the instrument I could use to do something remarkable - something worthy of the eternity in words... He would be my avatar on an odyssey of Rasselas-ian depth and magnitude and BLAH BLAH BLAH...Now... you know I am pretty full of bullsh*t aren't I??!

Far be it for me to imagine that my scribbling would ever approach Johnsonian realms! Nah-way! This would be just a selfish opportunity to fasten my imagination on a kite, and to let go of the string, and simply be a child again! If I intend to get anything out of this little adventure, it would be pure and plain FUN... and if you, Reader, don't understand what this is all about, I never asked anyone to - so there!
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... and so begins the journey of the riverman…
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A steaming scorching sweltering day and the riverman filled his canteen before setting off into the thick brown billowing hills.

The absence of a camel did not deter his stout little heart (bless him!) and he game-fully spurred his spirits and his clumsy little feet over the vast expanse of my bed-dom.
As he weaved his way among the dunes of my duvet coughing up cotton balls, he fell upon a pretty perplexing creature almost fantastical in essence.


For a while he simply stood still and stared, and probably would have stayed still and staring for a few minutes until the creature’s mouth opened and he heard it speak:


creature: And what in the world might you be???

riverman: (dumbfounded) You can speak!

creature: (irritably) Well of course I can speak!... and you can speak too…just in case you didn’t know!

riverman: (miffed) Well there’s no need to get riled up! I never met something like you before.

creature: (huffily) And is that my problem? I have never seen something like you before, but I don’t make silly remarks!


riverman: (apologetically) Well, I am sorry. I am new in these parts, and have been travelling quite a while, and it was a shock to run into something like you.

creature: (grandly) Well if you want to start being friendly you may as well know what I am. I am an elephant.

riverman: (unsure) An ell-ey-fa-ant?

elleyfaant: (thoughtfully) Well I don’t know if that’s the way you spell it, but it sounds right, so I don’t mind.

So the riverman and the elleyfaant sat down under the shade of that big brown dune, and the elleyfaant started to talk.


The elleyfaant told the riverman of the hot desert plains; and how good it felt to wallow in the cool river waters of Chobe during the summer seasons in Botswana; and how sweet the taste of sugarcane was.


The riverman listened in wonder to all these tales, and with a little trepidation raised his hand to ask a question.


riverman: You sure have had an interesting life, so what made you come to this place?

elleyfaant: What do you mean?

riverman: Well, it's all brown and frankly, a bit boring over here. How long have you been in this place? If I were you, I would go back to the Chobe and the sugar cane... it sounds wonderful!

elleyfaant: Well, I have always been in this place. I was born here, and I will die here.

riverman: (eagerly) So where are the cool river waters and the sweet sugar cane? I don’t see any for miles!

elleyfaant: (stuffily) Well, just because you don’t see it, does not mean it’s not there.

riverman: (more eagerly) So where is it?

elleyfaant: (shrugging) Where is what?

riverman: (confused now) The river and the sugar cane? You said that sugar cane was sweet, and that the waters of the Chobe were cool like a spring breeze.

elleyfaant: (thoughtfully) That's right!

riverman: So... so... you must have seen and felt and tasted these things!

elleyfaant: (proudly) Sure I have… I am an elleyfaant!

riverman: (persistent) Yes… so show me the river and sugar cane.

elleyfaant: (calmly) I can't.

riverman: (getting exasperated) Why not?!

The elleyfaant stared at the river man for a lo-o-o-ng time... and then replied...

elleyfaant: Because … YOU are not an elleyfaant.

With that curt retort, the elleyfaant turned his back very firmly on the riverman, and ambled away, his little curly tail not in the slightest bit frazzled… and in a little while he disappeared behind the swath of the dune.

The riverman watched the elleyfaant disappear, and turned to walk on over the next dune.

As he struggled up the sandy slopes he thought about what the elleyfaant had said. Why had the elleyfaant refused to show him the Chobe and the sugar cane? Sugar cane sounded delicious and the cool waters of a river were exactly what his little feet were aching for.

Perhaps these were secrets only known to elleyfaants and they guarded them jealously. They wouldn't want every Tom, Dick or riverman to plunder their treasure trove, now would they?!

Or maybe the elleyfaant was lying about it all. Could elleyfaants lie? How could he know? This was the first elleyfaant he had met.

The riverman hoped that the elleyfaant was telling the truth. After all the talk of sweet sugar cane and a cool river, he wanted these things to be true...

Well, there was much to explore still, and he was very much at the beginning of his travels. The spreading landscape of brown rimpled and rolled around him, and he knew there was a lot of walking to do before he could go home.

And who could tell?! Sooner or later he may find that spectacular river, and that wonderful sugar cane. After all, in just one day he had met an elleyfaant!

It would be just around the next hill… and maybe not very far away…
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...so ends the first chapter of the riverman’s journey... To be continued some other time.
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~~~