Interlude

I don't think the bull-frog symphony in my garden is to blame, but the riverman~~~ is finding it very hard to sleep tonight.

It's funny how quickly you lose sight of what is important. It starts with the simple things. You hang away your blog in the cupboard first... your guitar follows soon after. You constrict and compartmentalise your head into calendars, lists and plans as you flatter yourself on your ability to cut a little certainty into big, wide and unknown possibilities. Ambition thrives on bravado to a boiling-point, until one night you wake up and realise that you have forgotten how to breathe, and that your whole life is now a proverbial case of too little butter over too much bread.

So I have got out of bed at 2 am and decided that I will do a little unpacking, dust out my thoughts and hopefully find out where I misplaced my "Rosebud".

...

...

It's 4 am now, and I am sitting in front of my computer and watching random YouTube offerings. I mouse-click-clacked my way from the new Dark Knight previews down to re-runs of Smallville and stumbled upon a whole series of documentaries on the Michael Jackson trial in 2005, which served to wipe away all sleep from my eyes for the rest of the night.

Naturally, after so much Jacko in the dock, by way of natural progression, I wanted to see his performances... and so I click-clacked through his Motown-moonwalk to his Grammy-catwalk, and somewhere around 3 am, I happened to suddenly drop into a music video of that very Disney-esque autobiographical song called "Childhood".

Now I have heard this song before, and ordinarily it would have been a short stop on the way to another "silly somewhere and anywhere else", but tonight there is a certain something in the air that holds me still. Perhaps it's a result of Jacko-overload, or perhaps it's simply lack of sleep. Or perhaps it's the blue streaks of dawn filtering through the window blinds, bathing my bedroom in the same blue light of the images in the video. Perhaps it's the soaring orchestration so suited to the imagery and lyrics - a magical voyage into the pure, simple and undefinable and yet so recognisable Something-Else.

As for Jackson... the man may be an object of worship and revulsion in equal measure, both a misunderstood-recluse and a shameless lime-lit Peter Pan. However, we never find truth between double-edged tabloid pages and under the drum-roll-drama of a politicised court-room... Furthermore, how often do we recognise Angels among us? For now, why not suspend the man and let his work speak for him, especially when it does this so eloquently!

Childhood - Michael Jackson (1995)

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...

No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...

People say I'm not okay
'Cause I love such elementary things...
It's been my fate to compensate, for the Childhood
I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates and adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me,

the painful youth I've had...
Look within your heart then ask, Have you seen my Childhood?

Reader, if you know the riverman~~~, you would remember all-night sessions on a CD-strewn carpet with a retrospective glass of wine (or four!), and over-sentimentalised nostalgia in the air. So, knowing me the way you do, can you blame me if I feel the urge to share with you a few other wonderful gems I am re-discovering as I sit here in the wee small last-hours of last-night?

These songs bring me back to what I am and remind me of what I treasure most - the trust I find in good friends, the surrender in knowing that there are things I may never know and understand, and the constant drive within to try to be the best person I can be. Do click-clack over to the YouTube embedded videos below to take a listen to these little wonders... and let me know your thoughts. Put away commonsense and cynicism. They will undoubtedly stay pickled together till you need them for more rational things... and for tonight, I propose we stay entirely irrational!

Tea and Sympathy - Janis Ian (1975)

I don't want to ride the milk train anymore I'll go to bed at nine and waken with the dawn And lunch at half past noon and dinner prompt at five The comfort of a few old friends long past their prime

Pass the tea and sympathy for the good old days long gone We'll drink a toast to those who most believe in what they've won It's a long, long time 'til morning plays wasted on the dawn And I'll not write another line, for my true love is gone
When the guests have done, I'll tidy up the rooms And turn the covers down, and gazing at the moon I'll pray to go quite mad and live in long-ago When you and I were one, so very long-ago

When I have no dreams to give you anymore I'll light a blazing fire and wait within the door And throw my life away, "I wonder why?" they all will say And now I lay me down to sleep, forever and a day
Pass the tea and sympathy, for the good old days are dead Let's drink a toast to those who best survived the life they've led
It's a long, long time 'til morning, so build your fires high Now I lay me down to sleep, forever by your side

This Old Guitar - John Denver (1974)

This old guitar taught me to sing a love song It showed me how to laugh and how to cry It introduced me to some friends of mine And brightened up some days It helped me make it through some lonely nights Oh, what a friend to have on a cold and lonely night This old guitar gave me my lovely lady It opened up her eyes and ears to meIt brought us close together I guess it broke her heartIt opened up the space for us to be What a lovely place and a lovely space to be This old guitar gave me my life my living All the things you know I love to do To serenade the stars that shine From a sunny mountainside Most of all to sing my songs for youI love to sing my songs for you Yes, I do, you know I love to sing my songs for you

Nightswimming - REM (1993)

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night. The photograph on the dashboard, taken years ago, Turned around backwards so the windshield shows. Every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse. Still, its so much clearer.I forgot my shirt at the waters edge. The moon is low tonight. Nightswimming deserves a quiet night. I'm not sure all these people understand. Its not like years ago, The fear of getting caught, Of recklessness and water. They cannot see me naked. These things, they go away, Replaced by everyday. Nightswimming, remembering that night.Septembers coming soon. I'm pining for the moon. And what if there were two Side by side in orbit Around the fairest sun? That bright, tight forever drum Could not describe nightswimming. You, I thought I knew you. You I cannot judge. You, I thought you knew me, This one laughing quietly underneath my breath. Nightswimming. The photograph reflects, Every streetlight a reminder. Nightswimming deserves a quiet night, deserves a quiet night.

Reader, you have always known me as unabashedly sentimental. I am not ashamed of the choke in my throat as I listen to these songs. It is an affirmation that for as rashly as I have thrown both body and mind into the vulgar and ridiculous of Everyday for these many months, I am still intact within and still alive to what I am. It is an assurance that things packed-away may still be unpacked... and that what is lost can be found again, if sought for.

It's six o-clock in the morning... and I am so very glad I am alive.
PS: For a little night-time music via YouTube -the full playlist is available here:

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=EEB13B6ECF9E0E3F

~~~