And even though everything must change...

When I was 19 years old I sat cross legged on the tiled floor of my dorm room at University, and listened enraptured to Oleta Adams sing:

Everything must change
nothing stays the same
everyone must change
no one stays the same
the young become the old
and mysteries do unfold
cause that's the way of time
nothing and no one goes unchanged
there are not many things in life
you can be sure of
except rain comes from the clouds
sun lights up the sky
and hummingbirds do fly


And as Oleta's warm voice filled my room then, I soaked in a very adolescent melancholy (a product of too much heavy reading, too many depressing songs and altogether not enough living), and the young philosopher that I fancied I was nodded sagely to myself, truly believing I understood the depth of the words I heard.


Sixteen years later I hold my head in my hands to shut off the consistent and insistent Tick-Tick-Tock of Time, and fondly long for the "do-you-remember-reunions" and wonder the "what-could-have-beens " and "whatever-happened-tos"... while all around me I realise... Everything HAS Changed.


My mother prepares for retirement, starts talking to her cats and cooking World-Aid amounts of vegetarian food... My father stops dyeing his hair black, hangs up his badminton racquet and starts regular visits to the hospital. My sister marries and buys a house... and I...


... yes, I have changed too.


But just like the rain that comes from the clouds, the sun that lights up the sky and those hummingbirds that fly, here are the things I find have not changed, and the things that keep me coming Home:


(1) Sitting at the Balcony Bar on Orchard Road in the afternoon with a gin & tonic and watching the world go by
(2) The taste of Loy Kee chicken rice
(3) The silly music Citicab/Comfort plays over and over on the telephone as you wait for your taxi booking to be confirmed.
(4) The fact that my mum's chicken curry is still the best in the world!
(5) The crisp taste of an ice cold Tiger Beer at the Singapore Cricket Club/Quickie Club
(6) The quiet calm I feel when I sit outside Blk 69 and have a puff
(7) The slurp and bite in the Bak Chor Mee sold near Ian's house
(8) The horrible TV programmes shown on Channel 5 (can they get worse?!)
(9) The uncle who sells me Diet Coke downstairs and gives me a free packet of Marmee everytime
(10) The chatty taxi drivers getting hysterical over the "gah-men" on late night trips home
(11) The durian tree outside my flat - yes there really IS one!
(12) The smell of Old Spice in my father's bedroom.
(13) The chatter and gossip I can share with Ian over a bottle of wine at Wine Connection
(14) Sian Yan's little voice (I still can't hear it!)
(15) Leslie's sharp tongue (it never sliced things so fine!)
(16) Tania's laugh (it's just as loud as ever)
(17) Mehry and her crazy shopping (and she is still our little lamb)
(18) Sotong's legs (they could still qualify for that beauty contest we measured them for)
(19) Greggy's self-deprecation (and his eternally frustrating question "So how ARE you?")
(20) Duan and the things we talk about (and the number of cigarettes I end up smoking with her everytime we do)

These wonderful things have stayed the same so far. Then, there is that feeling I have whenever I see the Singapore skyline on the way home from the airport, and it's a wonderful "Welcome Home" time after time...

In a little while, I will switch off my computer at Blk 69, haul my suitcase down to Changi Airport and prepare myself for that 13 hour flight back to London. My mind is the inevitable muddle of tickets, passports and baggage check-in procedure. Still, somewhere in my head there is this twinge of fear. Yes - fear ... maybe because I am very aware that while I am away, some of the things I listed above in this post may change or end, and that when I come back Home next I may never find them again and they would be lost to me forever.

And yet I know that Change will come in its own time, and while it may take away some of the things I love, it will also bring new things my way. And I know that although I may feel the sense of loss when I lose things (as I very well may), the challenge will be to refrain from clutching and holding on tightly to the things that remain, simply because the harder I grasp and hold on, the more I may crush and destroy what I have, and the less likely I will be able to receive new treasures that come my way.
But for today, I have my list, and "(They) can't take that away from me" (as the song goes), for it records my memory of things are they are at present... and this little bit of sentimentality should be sufficient for now.


We will, each of us, take Tomorrow as it comes - Changes and all!

~~~

"I took my love. I took it down. Climbed a mountain and I turned around. I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills, till the landslide brought me down.

Oh, mirror in the sky: What is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life? Oh... I don't know.

Well, I've been afraid of changing cause Ive built my life around you. But time makes you bolder. Even children get older. I'm getting older too.

Oh, take my love, take it down. Climb a mountain and turn around. If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills, well the landslide will bring it down.

If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills, well maybe the landslide will bring it down.

Stevie Nicks 1971